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Pinch me!

FullSizeRender (3)Transfer of our one and only blast on Thursday 5/12 went very well.  As well as could be expected.  We said a prayer together on the way down.  I didn’t really feel nervous, just excited. When we arrived and went into the room, the nurse was giving us post care instructions and our RE poked her head in to let us know “he” was thawing beautifully. I undressed and then put on my warm, fuzzy, baby blue socks for good measure.  The ultrasound tech checked to make sure my bladder was sufficiently full and then the RE came back in.  She handed me a photo of our perfect little embryo.  I was so relieved to see that it was her doing the procedure as we just love her!   She began trying to place the catheter into my uterus but was having quite a bit of difficulty.  That was also quite uncomfortable.  After trying for a while with that catheter, she tried one she called a “rocket” and that went right in.  Next the embryologist from the lab came in with another catheter that held our embryo.  The RE placed that one inside of the first and they counted to three.  We watched a tiny, little flash on the screen as the embryo was ejected from the tube and entered my uterus.  And that was it!  They checked to make sure that the embryologist’s tube was clear and then I was given the go ahead to dress and urinate!  Phew! The urge was bad at that point!  As we walked out of the room, it felt surreal.  Nothing really felt different, but I realized I was PUPO!! (Pregnant until proven otherwise).  That was a first for me, for sure! As we left the facility and headed home, I felt an incredible sense of peace!  I rested that afternoon and the next day, just sitting in my recliner and relaxing while watching TV.  I caught up on Call the Midwife and Mr. Selfridge and then some of House of DVF Season 2.  It was lovely!

I decided, based on a babycenter poll I had read, that I would do an early HPT on Monday, when I would be 4dp5dt.  Of course this was negative.  I fully expected it to be so I determined I would just try again next day.  By Tuesday, there was the true definition of a squinter!  I mean, I had to hold that stick up at every angle and I could see a very faint line, in certain light, at certain angles!  I was ecstatic! I texted a picture of the stick to my hubby who was already at work and assured him that the line was there… he said he couldn’t see it but believed me if I said I could.  I then sent to pic to my best friend who also said she saw nothing.  Finally I sent it to my mother and she said she could see it!  YAY!  By the time I went home and looked at it again, however, I thought perhaps I had just imagined it!  So I peed on another one… ahhhhh… now that was a line!  Hubby could see it, BFF could see it, and mom could see it was darker!  Thats when hubby and I cried together!  What a relief!  Since Tuesday, I have faithfully POAS morning and night.  The line has continued to get darker so my hope has continued to grow!  I have no symptoms that I didn’t already have from the PIO, anyway, in fact, I fee like I have fewer.  Also, every once in a while I get a wave of period like cramping, slight, but noticeable. I have googled symptoms endlessly so I know that is pretty typical.  We are looking forward to our Beta on Saturday!!!!  Grow, baby, grow!!!

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step by step!

Our transfer cycle was FINALLY approved on 4/16 and confirmed by my clinic on 4/18.  As of 4/18 I discontinued the BCP and waited for AF…. and waited.  By Friday I was so discouraged I called my RE and asked how long they would typically go before intervening to make a period happen.  They told me I could just come in the next day (Saturday, 4/23) for blood and ultrasound and that maybe we were good to start the cycle even without a bleed.  Fortunately, AF showed up that evening anyway.  On my ultrasound and blood, I got the go ahead to begin taking 2mg Estrace orally, twice per day.  I was to continue that routine until Wednesday, 5/4.  At Wednesday’s ultrasound, my lining was only 6.5mm and I received a portal message letting me know that that was not thick enough to schedule transfer.  I felt so angry, disappointed, and frustrated with my body! I was then told to increase my Estrace to 2 mg three times per day orally and 2 mg two times per day vaginally.  This increased dose lead to migraines/nausea from hell!   UGH! I was sick Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.  Mercifully, Sunday, I was fine, and so far, so good today.  When I had my lining rechecked Saturday it was at 7.2 mm which was good enough to go ahead and schedule transfer for 5/12 at 10:30am!  YAY! I started taking the PIO shots that night, as well as an oral antibiotic.  The first PIO shot was a PIA! OUCH! But after doing some good old internet research, I tried warming the vial (in my bra for 20 minutes), icing the area for 10 minutes before hand, and then sitting on a heating pad.  MUCH BETTER!!!!!  There is hardly any pain at that sight today, while the other side still hurts terribly from Saturday!

So transfer of our one little PGS-normal baby boy on Thursday!  I’m so excited! I have been eating pineapple core and drinking my POM juice and trying to be a little bit more active.  I’m praying this works!

Rant!

Infertility is agonizing.  (your Captain Obvious PSA for the day).  Having your fertility clinic make an error and forget to send out your sample for testing, increasing the wait time for results… more agony.  Having to wait an exceptionally long time for your insurance to approve your FET (which they obviously will approve given the fact that we had the initial go ahead for IVF in general!)…. just too much to bear.

When we met with our RE to discuss the next step after stims… after retrieval… after only one made it to biopsy… after ‘one and only’ was normal, she told us we were looking at two weeks of BCP while we awaited insurance approval, then a period, then the usual estrace and PIO routine, and that we were looking at transfer being the last week of April (which would have worked out perfectly, given that hubby and I have that week off from work for April vacation).

I am now starting my FOURTH week of BCP.  I have called the insurance company twice.  Each time they tell me they can see our request sitting in the nurses queue waiting for her review and that there is nothing they can do.  I have called my clinic’s insurance department twice.. they call my insurance and are told the same thing…. Its in the queue… she’ll get to it when she gets to it.  ::sigh:: So we’ve definitely missed the time frame for April vacation so hubby and I will have to take the day off… ok, not too big of a deal.  But exactly how much stress and frustration is TOO MUCH TO HANDLE??

But then there is also the issue of my TSH level.  I have been doing fine on the 75mcg dose.  My levels went from 4.9 to 3.6 to 2.6 to 1.9…. and just this week… back up to 3.56.  Seriously?!  Has anyone else had this happen?  ARGH!!!!

End rant.

Our ONE and ONLY

So when last I wrote, we were anticipating an appointment with the RE to hopefully get our PGS results on our one and only and to discuss the protocol for FET.  That appointment took place on Monday 3/21.  It was the perfect day for it because we had a snow day and I didnt need coverage for work!  Unfortunately, the RE had NOT received our results yet.  She kept checking for results but none came.  The funny thing is that she had already received results from other samples that were sent out the same day as ours.  She said she was expecting it to be a normal embryo since hubby and my screenings were perfectly ok, so we went ahead and started to plan the FET cycle.  I started the BCP that night and we continued to wait for the results.  By Tuesday the waiting anxiety had taken over and I called to leave a message and find out if they’d heard anything.  A nurse called me back and basically told me “don’t call us, we’ll call you”.  So by Wednesday, I was having issues waiting again!!  (worse when I’m at work than any other time) so this time I emailed the PGD coordinator for the fertility center to simply ask “what day did our sample get sent out to the testing facility ” so that I knew when the 7-10 day time period was.  Well, she emailed me back and let me know that she was wondering the same thing, looked into it, called the testing facility and they said they had never received our sample.  She called her lab where the biopsy was performed and after a “thorough check of the freezer”, they found that the sample had never even been sent out!!!  Cue ANGER.  We felt like our trust had been violated!  If something like that could happen, what else could have happened to it?  could it have sat out on the counter for a few hours waiting to be picked up?  Is it even ours??  We finally heard from our wonderful RE that evening at 6:30.  She was so apologetic and assured us that the sample was never compromised and that she had made sure that someone had personally driven it down to the testing facility.  She had called the Lab Director at the testing facility and made sure that our sample would be on the machine first thing Thursday morning and she was hoping to have results by Friday afternoon.   Thursday and Friday during the day, I was more calm knowing that I wasn’t waiting for results at any minute.

Friday afternoon we finally got the call.  It was great because I had JUST walked in the door from grocery shopping and hubby was home so we could both hear at the same time.  The RE’s first words were “So, do you want to hear about your healthy embryo?”  YAY!!!  Healthy!!  Now on to the next question … boy or girl?  IT’S A BOY!!!

 

All week long I’ve had NO updates as they like to leave the little embryos locked away in an incubator.  All week long I tried to believe that they were doing just fine in there… I tried to hedge my feelings and prepare myself for bad news, like maybe only 4 out of 8 made it to day 5 or something.  Today (day 6) I was supposed to be updated by someone on my care team to let me know how many were biopsied and frozen.  I’ve been certifiable all day.  Constantly refreshing my email, trying to concentrate on reading for school, or anything else I could find to distract myself.  Finally at 2:50 I could stand it no longer, so I called.  A nurse answered right away (how unusual!) and after I explained, she put me on hold.  She came back and said “You have one frozen and biopsied”.  I said something like oh, ok, thank you.  She said “have a good day” and i think I mumbled something but I’m not sure. I was….I am stunned.  ONE.  I really hadn’t prepared well enough for that news.  Before you say it, I know that it only takes one.  I get that.  But all of you out there know that a few more for reassurance’ sake would sure be nice.  Not to mention that this ONE has to come back from PGS looking totally normal.  No body feels good about ONE.  PGS is a huge out of pocket expense and thinking that we paid so much for the testing of just one is quite heart wrenching.  I already had asked about doing batching if we didn’t have a great number of embryos by day 5 and they told me that my insurance will not cover another round of IVF if we have ANY viable embryos.  Now I’m wondering if that might include my ONE if we get the testing back from PGS and they say there’s a problem with it.  What constitutes a viable embryo?  Just the fact that it made it to day 5? I hope not.  That’s a horrible thought.

I wasnt able to get my husband on the phone yet to tell him.  All day long he’s been telling me “it will all be fine!!! Dont worry about it!”.  We’ll see what he says about this news.  I feel so numb… like someone kicked me in the gut.

This morning I woke up and weighed myself as I was instructed to do.  I had gained 3.4 pounds over night.  Great.  That means that I had to give the office a call and let them know.  They asked if I was short of breath, I said no.  They instructed me to eat a high-salt diet and drink LOTS of Gatorade and monitor my breathing.

At 9:17 I received my update on my 8 eggs.  All 8 were mature, all 8 were given ICSI, and ALL 8 are fertilized today!  That was as best possible outcome I could hope and pray for. They told me they will update me again on Saturday, 3/12 to let me know how many were biopsied and sent off to the genetic lab for PGS.  There is no way I can stand going from now until Saturday without an update on them!  Don’t clinics usually give daily updates?? They can be sure they’ll be hearing from me.

So that was our happy news for today!  8 embryos!  Now hopefully the symptoms of OHSS will dissipate without any further complications!

Retrieval

We reported to the fertility center this morning at 8:45.  I was getting more and more nervous but all of the nurses were so sweet, they helped to put me at ease.  I had been struggling with a headache all morning so when the nurse anesthetist found that out, she gave me a nice injection of Fentanyl and Zofran and it was magical! No more headache. They wheeled me in and put me under and the next thing I know, I was waking up in the recovery room and my hubby was there holding my hand.  My biggest discomfort was this terrible gas pain most likely brought on by the can of ginger-ale they insisted I drink.  My first question, of course, as I was coming out of anesthesia was “how many?”.  My hubby said, “they said 4”.  My heart froze! 4? 4?!  I instantly began to cry.   When the nurse came back, she asked my why I was crying and i told her that someone had told us there were only 4 eggs.  She said she didnt think that was accurate as they were still counting.  I felt better hearing this but still nervous.  Finally the doctor came back in and said they’d gotten 8.  That is NOT what I was hoping, and yet now it sounded better than 4.  They assured me that they were 8 good looking eggs, but I still feel crushed.  There’s just so many hurdles for those eggs to get through between now and transfer… I know all we really need is just one good one, but I was so hoping for at least 12 to start with.  So thats it…8.  I am resting with a heating pad and I’ve taken a couple pills to combat the terrible sharp gas pains.  I have my brother’s 40th birthday dinner to go to tonight as long as I’m feeling ok and I’m doing my best to stay OFF of Google… the endless searches for success stories based on 8 or less eggs will probably cause a complete nervous breakdown!